Girl

You girl, sitting there with you head hung low and your hair over your eyes. Your story is just beginning; just unfolding; pages only beginning to turn. You are beautiful. I know that you don’t see it and you don’t understand but one day, one day you will and that day will seem like the first day of your life. You feel stepped on and walked over and looked down on but one day you will realize it was only you who was making yourself feel that way. People may taunt you, tease you, or try to hold you back but don’t allow them to. Make yourself known. Make yourself seen. Make yourself heard. You are the only you on this planet, in this universe, and you deserve to feel special because of that. You are not one in a million, you are one of a kind.

Do not worry what those people say about you. Ignore them. They are only judging you because they are insecure about themselves. Do not worry about the stares that you may feel. I reassure you that that is all in your head. I know this because I feel them too. They taunt you and hurt you and make your anxiety spiral out of control but listen to me and understand this: Their judgement does not define you. EVER. Do not worry that you are the only one like you because you are but that’s the best thing about you.

I know that you feel scared and anxious and nervous when you feel the eyes of those that surround you watching but just be aware that they are only admiring your raw beauty. They are watching how graceful you appear to them even if you think that everyone just saw you almost trip. I can assure you, no one noticed. You feel their eyes watching you wherever you go but please do not let that get to you. There are watchers and there are doers and you child, are one of the doers. The watchers can only be jealous of what you can do and what they refuse to try.

One day, you will see that you are beautiful too. I know now that you look in the mirror for hours and hate what you see. I know that you believe that you are unflattering and need to be prettier, perkier, and preppier but those words do nothing to define you. They are only labels that people feel the need to put upon you because they feel the need to label everything with their own opinions. Imagine a world like that; imagine how many labels you would have. Now stop. Look in the mirror and stop degrading every little feature of your bare, beautiful body. Please understand that you are pure and precious to the people that care about you and they would hate to see scars on that milky white skin.

You look in the mirror and nit pick yourself because that is what you were taught to do and that is so unfortunate that young girls are taught at such a young age that they need to look a certain way and act a certain way just to please another person. I want you to stare at yourself in the mirror and attempt to accept what you have never accepted: Yourself. Look in that mirror and if you need to put on makeup or do your hair in order to help yourself feel better then do it. It’s your choice, nobody elses. If you like that eyeshadow on you, then rock it. If you want to wear that red lipstick that you’ve never worn in fear of being judged, slap it on. But girl, understand, only do these things for you.

I know that you sit in bed and cry. You let the hot, wet tears run down your dry, red cheeks and they burn and sting and then they fall onto the bed and blankets below. They continue to do this for seconds, minutes, hours until you begin to feel somewhat better. It’s okay to cry and be sad and people won’t want to see you like this but it’s natural. True, raw emotion like what you experience on a daily basis is something so rare, so beautiful and you try to hide away in the dark of your room behind closed doors. But please, stand up from that bed when you are finished my dear so that I can wipe those few remaining tears from your eyes. I know that you feel safe there. You feel safe and warm and unharmed beneath that comforter and you want to just stay there. And that’s okay. Your bed and blankets cannot judge you. They are your safety net. But one day, you will look back on these moments, hidden away, and you will smile because you have truly become a new girl.

You are strong and perfect. I see in the way that you walk and I hear it in the way that you talk. In the way that you throw your head back when you truly laugh and the way that you talk in a whisper when you can’t bear to speak aloud. Your strength comes from inside of you. It will come from no one else. You need to learn how to gather it and let it flourish within your own garden. Will it to bloom and let forth its colours and petals because it is beautiful.

It will take time to accept who you are and it will take even more time to understand why you are that way but do not worry or fear. You will figure it all out in due time. You are the only person who can judge you, who can make yourself feel as though you have failed, who can make yourself lay down and want to give up. But you are also the only person who can truly understand how beautiful you are, who can make yourself succeed after so many attempts and failures, who can get back up, brush off your knees, and say that you want to try again.

Don’t let anyone tell you what you can and can’t do. There are so many people out there who don’t care if you even try or succeed so why do you even try to impress them? Why do you care so much? I understand though; I understand the answers to those questions. You are the only one who can tell yourself that you can or can’t do something. The only one who can decide whether you can’t or you just won’t or whether you just don’t want to. And that’s okay. It’s okay to say you can’t do something. You won’t always succeed so you can’t always do everything. But that’s okay. You are the only one who can decide that you won’t. Other people can’t decide that for you. You need to be able to make that choice of whether you will or you won’t. And that’s okay. You are the only one who can decide that you don’t want to do something. No one else can ever make that decision for you. Only you can decide what you don’t want to do. And that’s okay.

You, girl, are no longer a girl after you experience these things. You are a woman. You will be a woman like no other. You will be strong and fiery and passionate. You will be kind and gentle and sweet. You will be a new you. And girl, your story is not even close to being over. The reason that I know this is because I am you and you are me. I am that girl and I am still alive and I am still fighting and I refuse to let anyone bring me down.

Sincerely,

Kaelyn Spencer